If you haven’t read the previous blog entry entitled “The Real Why”, then please do so, it will help to shed light on this entry.  Now we want to explore the concept I am calling the real why.  Let’s answer, why ask why, as a starting point.  What is the importance of why? 

Why gives us the reason for something.  Why gives us the cause of something. And why gives us the purpose for something.  And this often leads to confusion about the word why because it serves different purposes. (No pun intended) The reason, the cause, and the purpose for something are not always the same. 

Your car breaks down one day, why? 

The cause of it breaking down maybe a mechanical failure due to a lack of maintenance. That is also the reason it broke down. 

But the purpose for it breaking down might be different.  The purpose for something is often the meaning you give to a situation to learn and grow from it, and that is a different kind of why.  In the case of the car, the purpose could be to teach you not to be cheap in the way of spending money to maintain your belongings.  This is not the actual cause for it, but you have given the situation meaning so that it helps you to learn and grow form it, to prevent it from occuring again. 

In all three cases, the purpose, the reason, and the cause for the car breaking down, you are still answering the question why, but in a slightly different way.

The purpose for something is the reason or the interpretation you give to something to explain why it occured.  The cause is what happened to bring soemthing about and it needs no interpretation, it just is.  When I use the term the Real Why in this particular blog, it means just that, the real why, not the fake one.  The actual cause is what you are looking for so that you can predict or control whether something can or will occur again.   In the case of the car, if you know the real why or (actual cause) of the breakdown, then you can possibly predict or prevent it from happening again.  If you don’t know the real why, it can happen repeatedly and you will never be able to prevent it because you never learned the cause.

The same is true for the purpose for it breaking down.  If you conclude that the purpose for it breaking down is that you needed to buy a new car then you will not learn or grow from the experience, you will repeat the same mistake of not maintaining the new car and soon it will also breakdown as well. 

This is the value of the Real Why.  The real why gives you power and control over your circumstances.  Without the real why (cause) of something, you cannot predict or control whether or not something will occur because you don’t know what caused it.  Also if you can’t learn the real why (purpose) for something that occured, then you will not likely learn or grow from it and you are subject to repeating it. 

Knowing the Real Why, whether referring to the purfose for something or the cause of something, is the foundation of knowledge.   It is the prerequisite for living life according to your own terms.  It is a prerequisite for living the life you want.  If you live without knowing the real why of things you will likely live life as a victim. You will be subject to what appears to be random acts, and to fate, or to good and bad luck, or the wishes of the arbitrary gods.  But when you begin to always explore and find the real why, then you will empower yourself to be the keeper of what is or what is not allowed to exist in your reality.  You will have opened the door to discovering what causes something to exist. The real why.

I hope you understand a bit why the real why is so vital.

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A great deal of attention was granted to the Faith Based Initiative of former President George Bush Jr.  The initiative was an approach taken by the Federal government to address many of the social challenges facing The United States by funding programs operated by churches at the community level.  Many churches lined up to qualify for and accept millions of dollars from the Federal government to aid in helping local communities with social service programs. The program came under fire from critics such as the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) for being in violation of the separation of church and state. Some viewed it as a way to pass money on to churches that in return might feel obligated to offer political support come election time. But this is not the faith based initiative to which I am referring.

Lets first define initiative. Initiative is defined as a leading action or an introductory step. The root of the word initiative is the word initiate.  Initiate means to begin, to set going, or to originate. Faith is confidence or trust that is not based on evidence or proof.  Simply put, your faith based initiative is when you get something started or initiate something but you don’t have evidence or proof that you will succeed and thus you have to rely on faith.  This is the great challenge that we all face from time to time.

Whether you are starting a business, a new program, a marriage, a new career or investing you may find yourself without evidence that you will succeed and it is then that you need faith. To initiate anything is difficult enough.  It is easier to leave things as they are.  Ever tried to commit to a workout regimen or lose a few pounds? If so, you know leaving things as they are is easier. But sometimes for whatever reason, usually a desire for something better, we will take a leap of faith and initiate something, and we will get something started. And it is that willingness to try that drives progress.

So I encourage you during these seemingly challenging times to use your faith to get something started.  Use your faith to make your situation better.  Difficult times means there is less evidence or proof that things will improve.  It is easy to fall into inertia and pessimism. But have some faith. If there is a course of study you need to embark on but you are not sure if you’ll succeed, rely on your faith.  If you have an idea but don’t have proof that you will succeed, have some faith.  Faith is a powerful tool in the process of making things happen.  The great thing about faith is that it comes from a limitless source. Get started on your faith based initiative!   

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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

…Robert Frost 

This famous poem by Robert Frost has tremendous significance to me.  I memorized and recited the poem in high school and I think it helped to shape my approach to life.  It describes the choice we all face in creating our path, in writing our own life’s narrative. Often the direction we choose is not the most popular one.  We may have chosen a major in college that was everyone else’s minor.  We may have chosen to be a musician while others secured a job.  We may have chosen to leave our hometown while most others stayed.  Maybe at work, we chose to work late hours while others chose to leave.  Whatever the case may be, life requires us to make choices and walk our own path, a path that is ours.

Taking the road less travelled is often the way to personal fulfillment. Since each of us is unique in some way, our life will take on unique characteristics that reflect who we are.  Being true to that uniqueness is how we fulfill our destiny.  Yet the biggest barrier to charting our own path and fulfilling our destiny is FEAR.   Fear of the unknown. Fear that we can’t redo it, once the choice has been made.

In the poem, the man realizes he can’t take both roads and expresses some sadness over it. He recognizes that his choice will likely never bring him to that point again.  Yet he chooses.  He commits to a direction.  And in the end, it was his commitment to the road less travelled by that made all the difference. 

Though we are all faced with significant choices at times, don’t let fear block your personal journey.  Don’t be afraid to take your unique path. No regrets.

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Beware. The report has been issued for the most insidious of enemies. This enemy has been found lurking everywhere we have looked, hiding in plain sight. Often undetected, the enemy is a master at deflecting attention.  Whenever we get close, this enemy is so crafty as to paint a picture to incriminate another, who is sometimes innocent.  Having been mislead again, we find ourselves on a steady search for the one who wronged us, the one who victimized us, or took advantage of us. The enemy.  We look for circumstances to hold responsible. We blame timing, events, and in some cases we blame even God Almighty. Yet in the end, the sly enemy slips by again. Unseen. Not responsible. Not accountable. But I found the enemy. I met the enemy.

“We have met the enemy and he is us.” 

This can be one of the most difficult ideas to accept. Ultimate personal responsibility! We are responsible for what we do and what we do not do because it all works together to create our experience. 

Our life is the culmination of millions upon millions of thoughts, actions, and interactions which result in our life experiences.  What if I had done this instead of this?  What if I learned something new or tried something another way or said something differently?  Would that have changed my outcome?  What did I do or not do to contribute to this outcome? 

These are some of the questions which might lead us toward finding the real source of our experiences.  Like  clues leading us to the culprit in a murder mystery, it is the process of self analysis and self reflection that helps us to discover how we impact our lives.   

There is no real advantage in blame.  Why? You may wonder. Because blame blinds us from recognizing the moments when our decisions and actions could have altered the outcome.  Thus having missed those moments, we miss the opportunity to grow, to improve, and to smarten up.  As a result, the other who is blamed may if guilty, receive justice, and that is appropriate, but we unfortunately remain vunerable to the next victimizer by having not recognized the opportunities we missed to influence our situaiton.  Or even worse,  we don’t perceive how and when we contributed to our situation.

This is the way of the enemy.  Unawareness. Self delusion. And sadly, sometimes we become our own victims. But it doesn’t have to be that way.  We can expose the enemy. We can arrest the enemy. We can free ourselves from victimhood. The choice is ours to make. Will we accept ultimate responsibility for our own life?

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There is a good possibility we have never met but I know who your best friend is. It’s not the kid you grew up with. It’s not your parents, your siblings, your colleuges, or your college friends.  And I certainly won’t argue about God, or Jesus or other supreme dieties being your best friend because for the earthly purposes of this blog, they do not count.  

The one who is there for you through thick and thin and in good and bad times, I know that one. I have a picture. Well it is not a very good picture, but rather it is a physical representation of the one. Are your ready to see your best friend? Here it is:

I told you it wasn’t a very good picture.  But this is the best I could find.  This is an image of the human brain.  It is the best picture I could find to represent YOUR BEST FRIEND WHICH IS YOUR MIND. 

Do you understand that? Your mind is your best friend because it is capable of giving you all that you desire.  It can solve your health problems. It can solve your money problems. It can solve your relationship problems. It can can make you happy.

I know it is a little tough to accept. You may find yourself trying to disagree with me right know.  And if that is true then you may also be out of relationship with your best friend and may feel plagued with some nagging problems as a result. 

Everything you want in or out of life will have to pass through your best friend first. The buck stops here. This one here will get you what you want. Meet who you want. Build what you want. Attract what you what. Protect you from who or what you need protection from and so on. 

The challenge is, in order for it to be able to give you all these most desirable things, you have to be in the right relationship with it.  You have to know how to handle your mind in order for it to deliver for you.

That is a science and an art.  Unfortunately, I can’t cover the details of how it works in this blog. Time and space doesn’t permit, at least not for free.  :)  But I can set you in the right direction and it is worth a lifetime of solutions. You can pay me later. 

Here is the beginning of answers.

What you seed or plant in your mind will grow.  Whatever thoughts, words, ideas, pictures, images, surroundings, events, movies, smells, feelings, touches, sounds, you expose your mind to will likely grow. 

That is the big secret that will lead you in the right direction. 

Take charge of your relationship with your best friend.

 Give your Best Friend what it needs to deliver to you what you want. Your Best Friend is always there for you whether you perceive it or not. In the next blog I am going to reveal to you who is in all likelihood your worst enemy.  Any guesses?

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This post was inspired by a comment I received raising concerns that in the previous blog I did not give direct attention and commentary on the child molestation legal case and controversy that engulfed Michael Jackson in the latter part of his life.  The person felt that I was dismissive of the entire controversy and that the safety of children was too important to give MJ “a pass”. Well I’m going to respond here as briefly as I can, realizing the subject is much too weighty for a single blog posting.

For the record, I and just about everyone else agree that children and their safety are paramount.  Secondly I am not going to put up a defense for MJ either, because that is why we have attorneys and a judicial system. Which leads me to my first point, we have a legal system to handle such matters.  And in MJ’s case, they did. Is it posssible they got it wrong? Of course.  There are so many instances of poorly administered justice in America, particularly for Black men it is an untold nightmare. Yet the legal system demands that we live with the results. And typically, we do. No retrying of cases. The law is the law we are told. This is what it means to live in an orderly society. So if we are going to begin reviewing guilt and innocence, I think the numbers favor not beginning with MJ, but with the tens of thousands of people whose lives were destroyed or tarnished by false convictions.  That would be the starting point for a serious discussion about law and justice.

But that is not really what this is. It is not actually a critique of the legal system. Nah, it is more simple than that. It is about the power of media.  The media is a master at taking people’s personal business and making it public. Giving everyone the power to weigh in on other people’s personal matters as though they are reading a salacious novel. Whether reality tv, local news, court cases, talk shows, or blogs (ouch) people tune in and pass judgement on others with free reign and little discretion. We are all guilty of this. We love it.  And we know we love it.  So the media feeds that craving with an endless slew of allegations, gossip, innuendos, suspicion, personal details and the like. 

And not suprising, it is all good until we are the one’s being exposed. Then we want understanding, respect, empathy, and privacy. If our live’s were up for public review and commentary, “oh my” then we would be outraged becasue we know we are not perfect enough to stand up to heavy scrutiny.  Well that is the second point, treat others as you would want to be treated. 

In MJ’s case he was tried and accuitted. And if the families who brought the allegations felt strongly about the inferred injustice then they could appeal the decision or leverage the media and sway public opinion to help them get justice.  This is what Ron Goldman’s family did in the OJ Simpson case.  And if those families had led that charge then the conversation might have appeared more driven by principle. But that wasn’t the case. 

The conversation was and is driven by the media feeding the mob’s appettite and resentment that he (MJ) may have beat the system. Well that is not my intention, motivation, nor issue. I am not leading that charge. Nor am I using my blog to indulge that conversation. 

See I grew up a Christian. I listened to my pastor, my mom, and my grandmothers when they taught me “Judge ye not least ye be judged.” As I child I didn’t really get it, but as a man I have come to see how things aren’t always as simple as they appear.  

People are complex. The seeds of human behavior are often unseen and planted deeply beneath the surface and as a result we can’t appreciate why people act the way they do.  Nor do we even understand our own shortcomings and behavior. But yet we are required to do our best.  Sometimes we are even required to serve as jurors in each other’s cases.  But my admonishion to you is to tread the waters of judgement carefully and only take that plunge when you really have to because it is a power that works two ways.  Judgement is a mirror. 

See that new testament lesson actually goes a bit like this, those who judge will get judged and the same measure they use to judge, shall be used to judge them.   So unless you are near perfect . Unflawed. Principled in all your dealings, at all times, and under all circumstances then I suggest you take MJ advice when he said,

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways. And no message can be any clearer,

If you wanna make the world a better place take a look at your self and then make a change!”

Thank you.  Share this blog with others. 

And thanks to the reader whose comment inspired the blog.        M. Billi

It was a bright Sunday morning in Northern Virginia. I had just purchased my daily Starbucks, The Obama Americano*™. (A grande Americano, with one pump of white mocha, a half pump of mocha, with whip cream and room for cream). Enjoy.

As I walked to my car I saw a little dog who sat primly in the front seat of a Mercedes Benz and in a few moments a poem came to my mind. 

 “ I once saw a dog that felt like a queen and acted like a queen and people treated it like a queen.  I once saw a queen who felt like a dog, acted like a dog and people treated her like a dog.”   

What is the lesson?  Most of our life is a mirror of who we are being, how we feel, and how we act.  Our feelings and our actions are reflected back to us by others and by our life itself.  We are the creators of our own experience.  We are the actors and directors in our own movie. We choose the part. We choose the experience.  Anything to the contrary is a choice that a person makes to live life as a victim. Many do choose victimhood. And what is victimhood?  Victimhood is blaming others, holding on to the mistakes of the past and not learning the lessons of life. 

The beauty is however in knowing that we choose.  We direct our attention at whatever we desire and whatever we place our attention on grows.  Program yourself with personally affirming experiences, and with emotions that are edifying, gratifying and rewarding and see how your life mirrors that back to you.  Infuse gratitude, happy moments, and strength and responsibility into your life and see how things change.                              

You are the shaper of all your experiences. Nothing is fixed.  Everything can be changed. If the dog can live like a queen then certainly a queen can be herself. This is the not so secret in life that many now realize, even dogs (smile).

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I once heard that some time ago a wise man said, “Everything you need to know is in a book”.  I also recall reading a book where the author claimed that if you read a single book a week on a specific subject then you would be in the top 5% of people on that subject in two years.  In other words, for every 100 people who where quizzed on that subject you would be in the top 5.  Fascinating. And to think it only took 104 books. (52 weeks x 2 years @ 1 book/week) 

What does this mean in the age of mega books stores, the internet, and google.  It means that you can actually learn anything independently, if you have the will.  Did you know you can google “How to create a sun?” and get at least a theoretical answer.  Of course you did. But consider what this means for learning and access to learning.  It means almost everyone has the opportunity to achieve an education- if by education we mean learning. 

Consider how college tuition costs in the United States has grow exponentially, while personal income and wages have not.  How will people afford college?  Many won’t.  Creativity and self directed learning have become the key dinstinguishing factors for everyone, whether college educated or not.  Every college graduate who is successful in their profession has probably learned more about their profession on their own and after graduation than through their college coursework.  So self directed learning is the key.

Personally, I am recommitting to reading more than I have in recent years.  Its time to get into tip top mental shape and that means working out those “reading muscles”.  If you are only 1 book a week away from distinguishing yourself, then what are you waiting for.  The world awaits your mind.  Grab a good book and start workin out.  Its 2009, its time we read more!

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation about compassion with my doctor, who is also one of my business partners and mentors. Now this may sound a little cold if you don’t know me, but here is how the conversation started. I was sharing with him a point I made to my daughter about what happens to the grasshopper that has broken legs. Of course the answer is, it dies.  Why?  Because nature is designed that way.  The faster gazelles tend to survive and thus breed to make faster gazelles, while the slower ones tend to be eaten by lions and eventually die off.  This is a principle in nature that the stronger, healthier, and smarter tend to be preferred to the weak, sicker, and unintelligent.  As a result the superior tends to attract the superior and make a better offspring. While the sicker, weaker, unintelligent attracts the same as itself and its offspring struggles to survive and gradually the weaker characteristics die off.  The realization is that nature is an evolving process where inferior traits have to give way to superior traits. 

Again, it does sound cold but here was the question I raised to him. “If nature is designed in this way then where does compassion fit into the equation?  Why should the stronger carry the weaker if the natural process of the stronger surviving is designed to make people better since the stronger survives?  And is compassion a contradiction to the process commonly known as “natural selection”? 

Here was his answer, and it is deep by the way.  He explained that compassion is the means by which the stronger, smarter, healthier or superior improves.  He explained that in order for someone to be able to help someone else then they have to develop their capacity to help. And as a result of developing their capacity to help, they get better.   In other words, compassion benefits the compassionate as much as it does the one who inspired the compassion.

See it’s like this; you help the sick when you have the compassion that moves you to develop yourself to be able to serve the needs of the sick by building a clinic or becoming a physician.  Or you help the poor when you have the compassion that moves you to be able to accumulate the resources to help the poor. You help the uneducated when compassion moves you to develop yourself to become an educator or build schools etc. 

So by having compassion you can expand yourself and your capacity to be able to help others.  In fact, since compassion causes growth then your expansion can also be an indicator that you are compassionate.  Otherwise what is called compassion may just be sympathy. And sympathy is simply an attitude which says “Oh I feel sorry for those people” but does nothing to help.  

After the talk I realized that my life is a witness to that principle.  Virtually ever change I have made in my life was in response to the need of others.  And it made me a much better, stronger, smarter, more prosperous person. It helped me to evolve. Otherwise, without it, I may have never really grown.

Compassion is a good thing with phenomenal benefit.  So my advice is feel compassion and let compassion move you to get bigger and better. Life is so much more enjoyable and rewarding when you do.  

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Michael

Recently I was invited to participate in a dialogue with students at my Alma Mater, Howard University.  I have never used that term, Alma Mater, before now, I guess because it means nourishing mother in latin and it seemed like an overstatement to refer your college as your mother. Anyhow, I digress.

So at the end of a very rewarding conversation, one of the students asked me this question, “At this point in your career, What is the one thing that you would say to someone like me, who is aspiring for great success in life.”  I thought for a moment and said this…”The one thing that I think is most important, that I continue to struggle with even until this day, is getting yourself to perform at higher and higher levels when nothing in your environment compels you to do so.”  I went on to explain that in many cases we are surrounded by mediocrity and low expectations. Also, many of us are plagued by lethargy and poor habits.  When you are in this situation, then you have to hold yourself to a standard and performance level that no one around you expects. 

And to make matters worse, sometimes people will even speak against your aspirations and goals, or attempt to undermine you, or break your confidence in yourself. When it all these forces comes together, the internal resistance and the external resistance it, becomes tough to succeeed.  This is the challenge that never goes away. This is what buries most aspirations and dreams.  And for most there is no easy way out. 

So how do you get yourself to do what it takes to succeed? To read that book.  To wake up on time. To work a little longer.  To be more sociable. To try harder.

Or to do what ever is necessary for you to grow and evolve toward your ideal.  You have to……..Check the next blog posting.  Put your email address in the feedburner box to the left of this posting and receive all the updates in your inbox as they occur. Thanks for reading. Pass on to others.