In a recent conversation I had with a friend, he reminded me of a presentation I did where I talked about the real why. The conversation inspired me to recap the idea in this blog.  Just what is the real why? Well I will eventually get to it, but before I do, I need to first explain the reality of problems. 

Everyone is faced with problems.  Problems at work. Problems in relationships. Financial problems. Health problems.  Problems in life.  Problems in society.  Problems in the world.  This is the nature of our existence.  Encountering problems!

We all have expectations, desires, and preferences and often the reality of things doesn’t match what we expect, desire or prefer,  that is when we perceive that there is a problem.  That is a what a problem actually is. 

A problem is when a particular reality does not match what you perceive or think it should be or when the reality of something does not match what you want it to be.  That is the most accurate definition of a problem.  A problem is when someone finds a particular reality undesirable.  Hence, a problem is simply incongruence between what is and what you think or desire to be.  That is all. 

 The cube on the left can be called “what is”.  The cube on the right is “what we think or desire it to be” (which is in our mind).  When we recognize the one on the left could or should become the one on the right, then we recognize there is a problem.  The recognition of the difference  between what is and what should be or what we desire to be is the definition of problem.

Now just like with this cube, the reality of things is not always in agreement with how we see it or how we want it to be.  And if you have noticed that fact, then you have recognized some problems. Maybe this is true of your career. Or your bank account. Or your relationship.  But guess what? Whatever the case may be, you have to get accustomed to problems.  You have to get the point where you embrace and accept all problems as the natural way to live.  You have to accept that you will encounter problems.  And I dare say you have to come to love problems.

“What! Love problems? Michael you must be crazy”.  I’m not crazy at all.  This is wisdom for you to use for ever and to pass down to your chidren and their childrens’ children.  Problems are not bad.  Problems are natural.  And if you don’t get use to them, then you are likely to be in a constant state of unhappiness as you keep encountering problems and avoiding problems or even worse, reacting emotionally or unwisely to problems and thus making them WORSE.

Problems are the bridge between what goes on in side your head (your perception) and the objective reality that you live in.  Problems can bring you out of your virtual reality inside your head and into the “real world”, if you don’t “bug out” because of the problem. 

Problems lead us to act if we are so inclined.  The people who feel capable or empowered to do something about their problems, they will inevitably take action to bring reality and the way they want things to be, in harmony with each other.  That is to say they will attempt to solve the problem.  I hope I am not going to fast on this subject as it is quite profound.  My only attempt here is to expose a few key ideas that you can work with. 

For example, on  a small scale a person who has a problem taking care of themselves materially could be said to have a financial problem.  Once they identify the problem, any attempt at solving it will move them from where they are to another point.  They may ask for help.  They may read a book. They may go back to school.  They may seek another job. Whatever they do to try to solve the problem is greater than doing nothing.  They are in progress toward solving the problem. There is now activity.  There is now improvement. They have progressed. 

Thus one could ask, “Would I have made progress without first perceiving there was a problem?”  The likely answer is no.  Problems, as I have defined them here as the incongruence between our perception or desire, and the actual reality, fuels progress.  And it is the attempt at solving problems which creates the dynamic experience of life and eventually re-creates the objective reality of which we are faced.  Learning comes from making an attempt at solving problems.  Now don’t go around making problems as a way to “help everyone”.  That makes you a problem maker, not problem solver.  Problems really don’t need your help.  They will find you and others.

So if you happen to have any problems, then Hallelujah! You have an opportunity to learn, grow, make progress and improve.  That is if you understand that they are there for you to evolve.  Because could there actually be a problem, if there was no conscious being there to consider it a problem?  There is no problem without a perceiver.  Therefore the problem is actually all about you, the perceiver.   

So when you encounter your next problem, and you most certainly will, the first thing you need to ask yourself is “What can I learn from this problem?”.  This will take you in the right direction and eventually into discovering the real Why.  So as I began the next blog is….. The Real Why.

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The idea of clarifying what is real from what is unreal is a new phenomenon.  There was a time when only what we might call real things, existed.  Nothing else seemed possible.  Real trees, real people, real books, real entertainment, real relationships, real work, real money, real friends, and even nature was real.  Now oddly we live in a time where people have to use expressions like ”real talk” and ”keeping it real”, because real appears to be a diminishing thing.  Foods like cheese are sometimes labeled “made with real cheese” so as not to be confused with being only real cheese.  Costume jewelry, reality tv, synthetic foods, implants…. nowadays things aren’t always what they appear to be. 

Listen, this is real talk. (As opposed to the usual talk) 

Most things in the  past tended to be real.  Now unfortunately many people, especially younger folks, are growing up with a skewed sense of reality and of real things.  Many people today have lives that are mostly made up of what would have been considered in the not so distant past, as artificial or fake things. 

Even more sad, people today appear unable to distinguish the artificial from the real.  They assume that everything is real because it exists in any form, not realizing that just because something is visible or exists doesn’t mean it is real.  What a tragedy.  I hope I am not confusing you.   So to minimize any confusion, let’s explore a few brief definitions.

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines real as:

1.  of or relating to fixed, permanent, or immovable things (as lands or tenements)
2 a : not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory : genuine <real gold>; also : being precisely what the name implies <a real professional> b (1) : occurring or existing in actuality <saw a real live celebrity> <a story of real life> (2) : of or relating to practical or everyday concerns or activities <left school to live in the real world> (3) : existing as a physical entity and having properties that deviate from an ideal, law, or standard <a real gas> — compare ideal 3b c : having objective independent existence <unable to believe that what he saw was real> d : fundamental, essential e (1) : belonging to or having elements or components that belong to the set of real numbers <the real roots of an equation> <a real matrix> (2) : concerned with or containing real numbers <real analysis> (3) : real-valued <real variable> f : measured by purchasing power <real income> <real dollars> g : complete, utter <a real fiasco>
3 of a particle : capable of being detected — compare virtual 3

— for real 1 : in earnest : seriously <fighting for real>
2 : genuine <couldn’t believe the threats were for real>
3 : genuinely good or capable of success (as in competition) <not yet sure if this team is for real>

Unreal is defined as:

lacking in reality, substance, or genuineness : artificial, illusory; also : incredible, fantastic

Artificial is defined as:

1 : humanly contrived often on a natural model : man-made <an artificial limb> <artificial diamonds>
2 a : having existence in legal, economic, or political theory b : caused or produced by a human and especially social or political agency <an artificial price advantage> <artificial barriers of discrimination — R. C. Weaver>
3 obsolete : artful, cunning
4 a : lacking in natural or spontaneous quality <an artificial smile> <an artificial excitement> b : imitation, sham <artificial flavor>
5 : based on differential morphological characters not necessarily indicative of natural relationships <an artificial key for plant identification.

Much can be  learned from just these simple definitions.  How much of what is out here is, or is related to things that are ”fixed, permanent, and immovable“?  How much of what is observed is not illusory (deceptive or not real)?  How many things that we see and eat are actually artificial?  How often are things exactly “what the name implies”?  How much of what is eaten is “humanly contrived based on a natural model“?  How often do people encounter something or someone that lacks “in reality, substance, or genuineness”?  How much conversation and time is actually spent on things that are “of or related to practical concerns.”?  If dollars were measured by “purchasing power“, are they as real as they once were?  How much of what is believed “occured or exists in actuality“?  This shows us the reality of real today. (I couldn’t resist putting it that way, forgive me.)  The real is gradually fading as the unreal is blended in with it.  Pay attention.   It is happening right before our eyes.

So as you go about the next few days consider how much of what you say, do, hear, observe, believe, possess, eat, think, and feel is actually real.  Consider whether you even care, or prefer the real over the artificial.  And if you do prefer the real, then make an effort to build your life on and with people and things that are actually real and leave the artificial to those who are inclined as such.  

But in truth, the reality is, if you are on this blog and reading it, then it is likely that you prefer the real, because I am about as real as it gets.

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Wow. It has been a while since my last post.  For my regular readers, forgive me.  All I can say is that sometimes life throws challenges your way and can impede your forward progress, but if you stay the course and are committed to progress, you will get through it.  This is a great lesson for the new year. 

It is intelligent to set new goals for the new year.  It is even better to write them down and create a plan for their achievement.  Goals give us direction and urge us to move forward and take action.  Their achievement can be a great source of personal satisfaction and joy, so by all means set some goals.  However, one thing you have to consider is that life is quite complex.  If personal satisfaction  were as simple as setting a goal then we would all be fine, but unfortunately it isn’t that simple.  The unexpected can happen.  So can the undesirable. 

Sometimes things can be far more difficult than they appear.   It is in this context of life that your goals must occur and that is what makes them challenging.  It is also what makes them more rewarding.  We have to learn to embrace both apsects of life, the parts we like and the part of life that challenges us.  It makes for good drama.  Adversity sets us up to give a greater performance.  In sports, business, entertainment, and in life, the bigger the goal, the bigger the challenges or opposition.  It just comes with the territory. 

As you move into the new year, hopefully focused with a few well crafted goals, be prepared to overcome some challenges.  Be prepared to learn, to grow, to make adjustments and to work hard for what you want.  There really aren’t any handouts, because even if you happen to get one, you will pay some price for it eventually, even if you don’t see it.

Don’t make excuses.  But do find out why things are the way they are and how to make your desires happen.  You deserve the best that you can secure for yourself so go for it.  Here is a lesson I learned learned in past year or so.

Facing difficulty or challenges is a natural part of life. It is unavoidable. If you set a big goal you will face challenges to achieve it.  The same is true for a small goal. If you want a better job you will have to overcome challenges to get it.  Or if you decide not to be bothered with working or earning an income, you will then struggle against homelessness and hunger.  In relationships the same is true, you will  always face challenges.  It is nature of life, not the other person, not the circumstances, or the supervisor or any external factor, it is the nature of life itself.  Life automatically brings you challenges, this isn’t the exception, it is the rule.

There is duality or oppostion built into everything, so try to get used to it.  Don’t live life trying to avoid difficulty or challenges.  Go for what makes you happy.  This is the lesson:  Since facing difficulty and opposition is the natural way of life, then at least face it while in pursuit of your own happiness.  You owe that to yourself. 

Here is a lil song to take you in the new year. My dad used to play it in the house alot when I was young and it is a profound classic.  Enjoy.  Pursue your Happy New Year! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlQlddQV9Zs

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Today the person of Michael Jackson expired. His flesh is no longer animated with life and he was pronounced dead.  Yet for the hundreds of millions of people that he touched, his energy, his emotion, and his impact lives on. 

I grew up listening to Michael Jackson.  I can remember being very young and watching the movie Ben in which little Michael Jackson sang Ben the theme song, ( seeMJ sings Ben ) and somehow made me sad about a rat. As a young boy, I went to the Jackson 5 concert in my hometown of Syracuse, NY where they turned the crowd out by doing a dance called “the robot” to the song Dancin Machine. (see Dancin Machine ) I loved the album Off The Wall  especially, and Thriller was just that, a thriller.  So I find myself sad at the loss but amazed at the man’s transcedent reach. 

There will never be another Michael Jackson.  Technology will probably prevent anyone from ever selling that number of albums again. But more than that, Michael Jackson as an artist was an ultra mega talent. He is the guy the entertainers you admire most, admire.  Michael Jackson was a sensitive and caring soul who resonated with intense emotions when he performed.  He held you in a delicate grip with his music.  Truly special. 

He was a mesmerizing yet gentle man who commanded the attention of millions with his intensely energetic performances like a finely tuned super athlete. The world has lost a gifted human being.  

Interestingly, Michael Jackson was quite a humanitarian.  He had substantial charitable work and some of his musical projects like We are the World, Black or White, and Ebony and Ivory had major social implications.  Personally, I wasn’t moved by those songs as much as some of his other material but I can appreciate what he accomplished as a breakthrough/crossover artist who paved the way for other Black artist to make many millions of dollars through owning their own masters, publishing, and gaining mainstream support. 

Many people owe Michael Jackson a great debt. He emerged when Black people where about 20 years out of segregation and the social backlash against Black social and political progress was palpable.  Many Black people in those days found themselves as children wanting to be white. Blacks had as their primary focus then ”fitting in” with the dominant white culture.  See what you have to understand is that Michael Jackson emerged pre Obama, pre Tiger Woods, pre modern (Black Superstars everywhere) NBA,  pre Oprah Winfrey, and pre Hip Hop & R & B superstars.  Michael Jackson emerged at a time when it wasn’t cool to be Black. So in many ways by busting through the suffocating barrage of all white media imagery, music, and pop culture at that time, Michael paid the price for those who would later be able to walk with an unapologetic swagger.  For us he was that star when there weren’t many to choose from. 

So in the end, all I can say is, I loved that man. I admired that man.  He was part of my childhood’s soundtrack.  He was a great man. Greatly misunderstood as well. An unusual upbringing produced an unusual man for sure. He was truly EXTRAORDINARY. 

I will teach my children of his talent, his triumphs, and how he paved the way for others.  I could go on and on, and maybe I will write more later but for now I say,

“Rest in Peace Michael Jackson.

May God be pleased with you”.

Back in the day there was a song that was very popular and at the time I thought it was a bit annoying.  Bobby Mc Ferrin created a tune called “Dont worry, Be Happy.”  It was a simple tune to carry you thru life’s troubles. A dimissal of all of one’s problems, worries, and challenges and a dopey call to just be happy. Oh my god, I thought it was grossly irritating at the time.  Ok I confess, it still is, but here is the point.  There is something immensely profound about tending to one’s happiness.

Does not it seem plausible that one of the most important, if not the most important reason for being is to make yourself happy?  To achieve and not be happy. To work and not be happy. To learn and not find contentment or enjoyment in our living is in many ways to miss the point of it all.  Many of us our so consummed with living that we have lost sight of what even brings us happiness.

I challenge you now to stop and write ten things that make you happy.  You may find that not all of them require spending much money.  For some, it’s a walk with someone they care about.  For others, it may be a glass of wine with friends.  Still others may enjoy reading or a movie or time with their family.  The lesson is this.  Learn what makes you happy.  List those things out.  Now, what exactly is that list? 

It is your personal happiness formula. 

And while everyone is fretting over the market and the economy, you make sure you keep applying your formula consistently. This is the beauty of it all.  That inspite of all the current challenges, you can still control your own happiness. It doesn’t require wisdom to know when things are bad. 

The wisdom is in knowing you can identify what makes you happy and see to it that you get that…know matter what.

So although I am not a flighty optimist, I know some of what makes me happy.  And whether the chips are down or not, I am going to make sure to keep my happiness formula near and regularly take an ample dose. I kindly suggest you do the same.

As I watch hundreds of thousands of people lose work in this most troubling economy my heart goes out to them and their families.  It is a crushing reality that is gripping the nation and it has no forseeable end.  So what are the options?  What should we do?  What should we think?  Well here is some initial understanding and advice.  But I will offer more extensive advice later.

1. Realize that in many cases America, its businesses, institutions, and citizens have been living on credit, which is another way of saying living on debt.  Whether that debt was mortgages, loans, or The Federal Government selling US Governement debt and printing US treasury notes against it, there is very little difference.  The fundamentals of economics were violated.  There was no production and no real exchange.  Just loads of Phony money. Now the party is over and people are left to clean up the mess.

2.  Ask yourself, “Whats the worst that can happen?”  Take a good hard look at it and get good with it.  Accept it.  Embrace that reality.

3.  Committ to making yourself productive again.  Not dependant, but productive.  It will take time. Maybe alot of time. Years.  So accept that.

4.  Figure out what is truly valuable to you and what your real values are.  And live those out. 

5. Learn to find happiness in things that aren’t material.  A smile. A sunset. A walk. An uplifting conversation.  Time with loved ones. A book. In learning.  In doing something.

I could go on and on. Hopefully I will prepare a seminar and book for people to use as a resource during these times.  But in the meantime maybe these words will help.  We have to learn to live again.  Learn to live an authentic life, a truthful life.  One in which our actual capabilities are mirrored in our lives and we are accepting of that reality.  It is time for all of us to get real.

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It is January 23, 2009.  Well not exactly. The new reality is that it is Day 3, Year 1 A.A.C, (At the Arrival of Change). This is my new epiphany after experiencing the tidal wave of hope, enthusiasm and support for President Barack Obama over the past year, culminating in his inauguration for President of The United States here in Washington, DC three days ago.  I am aware that my epiphany appears grossly overstated. I have a slightly mixed viewpoint about it myself.  However, I can’t help but accept that for a great many years there has been a dark cloud of cynicism, despair, and hopelessness for millions of Americans and for millions of people around the world.  And now for reasons I don’t quite understand yet, that cloud has been removed for many millions of people and there is an illuminous possibility of hope and change that has swept the planet.

This is a real occurence and it has to be respected.  Why?  Because from the vantage of being President of The United States, the recognized “leader of the free world” President Barack Obama can create global change.  Government is a special institutiion.     

To be selected, as in the case of a true democracy, to respresent and administrate the collective and common good and resources of your citizens is a sacred trust.  It is one that has been upheld faithfully by many and violated by a great many.  And it has appeared that the violations of that trust have exceeded the faithful administration of that trust.  With the election of a man for President of The United States who demonstrates character, brilliance, integrity, a genuine concern for others, and courage, a new era has begun.  Of course, most people know that one man can’t save or change the world by himself.  That is a theory that is yet to be proven, but one person can inspire millions to change the world.  And through implementation of good policy both foreign and domestic, The President of The United States can create an an environment for peace, prosperity, and stability to grow.

There is no doubt that America’s economy and the global economy teeter on the verge of collapse ( I will cover this in coming blog posts) but the collapse is buffered by a renewed sense of hope and confidence that is the hallmark of President Barack Obama and his administration.  We are witnesses to the greatest David and Golaith story of all time.  The most perilous problems ever faced by humanity vs the budding optimism and brilliance led by the new President of The United States.  It is a contest with no historical equal.  No Super Bowl or World Cup game is as significant or compelling as this one. Only time will determine the winner.  I guess all of us can only decide which side we are on.

And for me that decision appears to have been made.  My epiphany on the morning of Day 1 Year 1 AAC (January 21, 2009) has lead me to re-accept the responsibity to do all I can to set the planet aright.  With an ally of good in the White House I re-believe all good things are possible.

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I just finished having a conversation with a couple that I admire greatly for their many years of marriage.  We were talking about the importance of always seeing the big picture.  Whenever you are involved in an endeavor; business, marriage, work, school, a project, personal goals etc., you always have to see the big picture.  What is the big picture?  It is the purpose for which you are doing what you are doing.  It is the reason why you are doing what you are doing!  Here is some wisdom.  No endeavor that is worth anything will come without challenges and difficulties.  Resistance, difficulty, and opposition are built into the natural world. It is for the most part unavoidable.  It is unfortunate we are not taught that fact.   Still we have to accept it.  It is.. the way it is.  

We get started on a project, business, relationship or some endeavor and part way thru we find ourselves mired down in problems, conflicts, and the like and feeling not up to the task at hand.  We begin to wonder why did I even get involved with this in the first place? 

Great question!  In the face of seemingly endless challenges your best chance at succees in your endeavor begins by remembering why you set out to do what you are doing in the first place.  You have to bring the purpose back into your mind, back into focus, and put it out front.  If your why is BIG ENOUGH it will CRUSH all the seemingly big challenges before you.  If it is not big enough, then you should reconsider the endeavor because it is likely to fail when the pressure hits anyhow. Oh, and in case you haven’t gotten it yet - the pressure will hit.

The BIG WHY is the key to overcoming difficulty in all our endeavors.  Therefore, it pays to always be clear about why you are doing everything that you are doing so that you can succeed.  Never match a little why up against a big challenge becuase it will probably lose.  Your reason for doing something has to move you on an emotional level and get you feeling strong enough to handle what ever comes your way.  This is the big why.  This is your fuel to find a way, to persevere, to change, to succeed. 

And when you hold that BIG WHY close and go thru the challenges, then in the end, when you achieve what it is you set out to do, it will feel… and actually be.... worth it. 

And the couple I was talking to was my mom & dad. Thank you mom and dad for your example and wisdom.

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Going into this New Year I am developing a greater appreciation for my most precious resource…TIME.  This life we have appears to come with a time limit on it.  Whether it is 25, 50, or one hundred years everyone who lives has to check out at some point.  This is a sobering reality. 

Consider this. There are:    

• 60 seconds in 1 minute
• 60 minutes in 1 hour
• 24 hours in 1 day
• 365.2564 Days in 1 year

Now if the average person lives 75 years, then a 50 year old would have 25 years of life left.  25 years is only 219,153.8 hours of life left to live. Imagine that. Having only 219, 153 hours left to live.

Under the same assumption of 75 years of life, a 25 year old would have only 438,307.7 hours left to live.  Also, if we consider roughly 8 hours of sleep per day, then the number of hours left to live that are spent awake would be only 292,202.21 hours left for a 25 year old and 146,102.38 hours left for a 50 year old.  None of these calculations include an early termination due to accident or illness or the like.  Sounds morbid? Sorry, thats not my intention. 

My intention is for all of us to look at how we spend our time.  Who are we with?  What are we doing?   This planet is enormous with billions of people, and roughly 196,940,000 square miles to travel. There are millions of books to read and places to visit, and trillions of things to do. The range of experience and positive emotions are nearly inexhaustable.  The possibilities of how we can spend are time are virtually endless.  So if the possibilites are endless and the time is very short, then shouldn’t we wake up and make better use of our most precious resource? 

Right now, there are people running around stressing over losing some money or not making enough money and these same people will waste endless hours and not even realize it.  Time is more valuable than money.  Think about it. If you were faced with death, would you be willing to give all your money away if it could get you another year of life? Probably so. So get creative.  Get serious.  And use your time wisely.  There is so much to do and experience and so little time.

My advice to you: Be more careful with your time than your money. 

While you may guard your spending of cash, guard closer your spending of time.

It is by far, your most precious resource, and it is very limited.

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One of my goals in my character development is to develop more compassion.  On December 24, of this year, I was leaving my office when a stranger wished me a Merry Christmas.  I returned the same to him and added “Happy Holidays”. He replied, “There is nothing happy about these holidays for me”.  I was walking behind him to get to my car when I said, “Is it that bad, that there is nothing to be happy about? What’s so bad?”  He then explained how he had no family at all, had an infection or cancer in his leg and that he was homeless.  I couldn’t deny the gravity of his circumstances so I didn’t try to persuade him otherwise.  All I could think of was to reach in my pocket and give him a $20 bill.  He accepted the $20, but said that what he really wanted was for he and I to pray together.

I obliged and he began to pray.  Strangely though, he began to pray for me and my family not for himself.  When he finished the prayer, he seemed diffferent.  He turned and made comments on how a dodge magnum actually loooked like the old camino.  He was really excited about it. He pulled other passers by into his observations.  His attitude had changed radically.  He then said he felt better and he realized that he had alot to be happy about.

I was surprised.   We exchanged goodbye’s.  As I walked away, I wondered what had just happened.  I soon realized that the compassison I wanted to develop was being granted.  I realized that in order for someone to develop a characteristic, an opportunity for the trait to be displayed has to be presented.   The circumstances reveal the personal characteristic.  

I was grateful for that moment. I was grateful for that man.  That exchange helped me develop more compassion. Oddly though, I realy didnt get it until he prayed for me. Had I paid for a prayer?

Nah. I showed concern and compassion for a man who turned and showed concern and compassion for me.  It was an authentic moment that is the best of this holiday tradition.  It was reciprocal.

In this case compassion was both contagious and transformative.  As a social entrepreneur I appreciated what the needs of that man gave to me.  He helped to make my day as I am sure I helped to make his.  Who knew that my desire for greater compassion would result in such an unusual encounter.   Consider what you ask for, and watch how circumstances arise to give it to you in unexpected ways.  

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