In a recent conversation I had with a friend, he reminded me of a presentation I did where I talked about the real why. The conversation inspired me to recap the idea in this blog.  Just what is the real why? Well I will eventually get to it, but before I do, I need to first explain the reality of problems. 

Everyone is faced with problems.  Problems at work. Problems in relationships. Financial problems. Health problems.  Problems in life.  Problems in society.  Problems in the world.  This is the nature of our existence.  Encountering problems!

We all have expectations, desires, and preferences and often the reality of things doesn’t match what we expect, desire or prefer,  that is when we perceive that there is a problem.  That is a what a problem actually is. 

A problem is when a particular reality does not match what you perceive or think it should be or when the reality of something does not match what you want it to be.  That is the most accurate definition of a problem.  A problem is when someone finds a particular reality undesirable.  Hence, a problem is simply incongruence between what is and what you think or desire to be.  That is all. 

 The cube on the left can be called “what is”.  The cube on the right is “what we think or desire it to be” (which is in our mind).  When we recognize the one on the left could or should become the one on the right, then we recognize there is a problem.  The recognition of the difference  between what is and what should be or what we desire to be is the definition of problem.

Now just like with this cube, the reality of things is not always in agreement with how we see it or how we want it to be.  And if you have noticed that fact, then you have recognized some problems. Maybe this is true of your career. Or your bank account. Or your relationship.  But guess what? Whatever the case may be, you have to get accustomed to problems.  You have to get the point where you embrace and accept all problems as the natural way to live.  You have to accept that you will encounter problems.  And I dare say you have to come to love problems.

“What! Love problems? Michael you must be crazy”.  I’m not crazy at all.  This is wisdom for you to use for ever and to pass down to your chidren and their childrens’ children.  Problems are not bad.  Problems are natural.  And if you don’t get use to them, then you are likely to be in a constant state of unhappiness as you keep encountering problems and avoiding problems or even worse, reacting emotionally or unwisely to problems and thus making them WORSE.

Problems are the bridge between what goes on in side your head (your perception) and the objective reality that you live in.  Problems can bring you out of your virtual reality inside your head and into the “real world”, if you don’t “bug out” because of the problem. 

Problems lead us to act if we are so inclined.  The people who feel capable or empowered to do something about their problems, they will inevitably take action to bring reality and the way they want things to be, in harmony with each other.  That is to say they will attempt to solve the problem.  I hope I am not going to fast on this subject as it is quite profound.  My only attempt here is to expose a few key ideas that you can work with. 

For example, on  a small scale a person who has a problem taking care of themselves materially could be said to have a financial problem.  Once they identify the problem, any attempt at solving it will move them from where they are to another point.  They may ask for help.  They may read a book. They may go back to school.  They may seek another job. Whatever they do to try to solve the problem is greater than doing nothing.  They are in progress toward solving the problem. There is now activity.  There is now improvement. They have progressed. 

Thus one could ask, “Would I have made progress without first perceiving there was a problem?”  The likely answer is no.  Problems, as I have defined them here as the incongruence between our perception or desire, and the actual reality, fuels progress.  And it is the attempt at solving problems which creates the dynamic experience of life and eventually re-creates the objective reality of which we are faced.  Learning comes from making an attempt at solving problems.  Now don’t go around making problems as a way to “help everyone”.  That makes you a problem maker, not problem solver.  Problems really don’t need your help.  They will find you and others.

So if you happen to have any problems, then Hallelujah! You have an opportunity to learn, grow, make progress and improve.  That is if you understand that they are there for you to evolve.  Because could there actually be a problem, if there was no conscious being there to consider it a problem?  There is no problem without a perceiver.  Therefore the problem is actually all about you, the perceiver.   

So when you encounter your next problem, and you most certainly will, the first thing you need to ask yourself is “What can I learn from this problem?”.  This will take you in the right direction and eventually into discovering the real Why.  So as I began the next blog is….. The Real Why.

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Wow. It has been a while since my last post.  For my regular readers, forgive me.  All I can say is that sometimes life throws challenges your way and can impede your forward progress, but if you stay the course and are committed to progress, you will get through it.  This is a great lesson for the new year. 

It is intelligent to set new goals for the new year.  It is even better to write them down and create a plan for their achievement.  Goals give us direction and urge us to move forward and take action.  Their achievement can be a great source of personal satisfaction and joy, so by all means set some goals.  However, one thing you have to consider is that life is quite complex.  If personal satisfaction  were as simple as setting a goal then we would all be fine, but unfortunately it isn’t that simple.  The unexpected can happen.  So can the undesirable. 

Sometimes things can be far more difficult than they appear.   It is in this context of life that your goals must occur and that is what makes them challenging.  It is also what makes them more rewarding.  We have to learn to embrace both apsects of life, the parts we like and the part of life that challenges us.  It makes for good drama.  Adversity sets us up to give a greater performance.  In sports, business, entertainment, and in life, the bigger the goal, the bigger the challenges or opposition.  It just comes with the territory. 

As you move into the new year, hopefully focused with a few well crafted goals, be prepared to overcome some challenges.  Be prepared to learn, to grow, to make adjustments and to work hard for what you want.  There really aren’t any handouts, because even if you happen to get one, you will pay some price for it eventually, even if you don’t see it.

Don’t make excuses.  But do find out why things are the way they are and how to make your desires happen.  You deserve the best that you can secure for yourself so go for it.  Here is a lesson I learned learned in past year or so.

Facing difficulty or challenges is a natural part of life. It is unavoidable. If you set a big goal you will face challenges to achieve it.  The same is true for a small goal. If you want a better job you will have to overcome challenges to get it.  Or if you decide not to be bothered with working or earning an income, you will then struggle against homelessness and hunger.  In relationships the same is true, you will  always face challenges.  It is nature of life, not the other person, not the circumstances, or the supervisor or any external factor, it is the nature of life itself.  Life automatically brings you challenges, this isn’t the exception, it is the rule.

There is duality or oppostion built into everything, so try to get used to it.  Don’t live life trying to avoid difficulty or challenges.  Go for what makes you happy.  This is the lesson:  Since facing difficulty and opposition is the natural way of life, then at least face it while in pursuit of your own happiness.  You owe that to yourself. 

Here is a lil song to take you in the new year. My dad used to play it in the house alot when I was young and it is a profound classic.  Enjoy.  Pursue your Happy New Year! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlQlddQV9Zs

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A great deal of attention was granted to the Faith Based Initiative of former President George Bush Jr.  The initiative was an approach taken by the Federal government to address many of the social challenges facing The United States by funding programs operated by churches at the community level.  Many churches lined up to qualify for and accept millions of dollars from the Federal government to aid in helping local communities with social service programs. The program came under fire from critics such as the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) for being in violation of the separation of church and state. Some viewed it as a way to pass money on to churches that in return might feel obligated to offer political support come election time. But this is not the faith based initiative to which I am referring.

Lets first define initiative. Initiative is defined as a leading action or an introductory step. The root of the word initiative is the word initiate.  Initiate means to begin, to set going, or to originate. Faith is confidence or trust that is not based on evidence or proof.  Simply put, your faith based initiative is when you get something started or initiate something but you don’t have evidence or proof that you will succeed and thus you have to rely on faith.  This is the great challenge that we all face from time to time.

Whether you are starting a business, a new program, a marriage, a new career or investing you may find yourself without evidence that you will succeed and it is then that you need faith. To initiate anything is difficult enough.  It is easier to leave things as they are.  Ever tried to commit to a workout regimen or lose a few pounds? If so, you know leaving things as they are is easier. But sometimes for whatever reason, usually a desire for something better, we will take a leap of faith and initiate something, and we will get something started. And it is that willingness to try that drives progress.

So I encourage you during these seemingly challenging times to use your faith to get something started.  Use your faith to make your situation better.  Difficult times means there is less evidence or proof that things will improve.  It is easy to fall into inertia and pessimism. But have some faith. If there is a course of study you need to embark on but you are not sure if you’ll succeed, rely on your faith.  If you have an idea but don’t have proof that you will succeed, have some faith.  Faith is a powerful tool in the process of making things happen.  The great thing about faith is that it comes from a limitless source. Get started on your faith based initiative!   

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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

…Robert Frost 

This famous poem by Robert Frost has tremendous significance to me.  I memorized and recited the poem in high school and I think it helped to shape my approach to life.  It describes the choice we all face in creating our path, in writing our own life’s narrative. Often the direction we choose is not the most popular one.  We may have chosen a major in college that was everyone else’s minor.  We may have chosen to be a musician while others secured a job.  We may have chosen to leave our hometown while most others stayed.  Maybe at work, we chose to work late hours while others chose to leave.  Whatever the case may be, life requires us to make choices and walk our own path, a path that is ours.

Taking the road less travelled is often the way to personal fulfillment. Since each of us is unique in some way, our life will take on unique characteristics that reflect who we are.  Being true to that uniqueness is how we fulfill our destiny.  Yet the biggest barrier to charting our own path and fulfilling our destiny is FEAR.   Fear of the unknown. Fear that we can’t redo it, once the choice has been made.

In the poem, the man realizes he can’t take both roads and expresses some sadness over it. He recognizes that his choice will likely never bring him to that point again.  Yet he chooses.  He commits to a direction.  And in the end, it was his commitment to the road less travelled by that made all the difference. 

Though we are all faced with significant choices at times, don’t let fear block your personal journey.  Don’t be afraid to take your unique path. No regrets.

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It was a bright Sunday morning in Northern Virginia. I had just purchased my daily Starbucks, The Obama Americano*™. (A grande Americano, with one pump of white mocha, a half pump of mocha, with whip cream and room for cream). Enjoy.

As I walked to my car I saw a little dog who sat primly in the front seat of a Mercedes Benz and in a few moments a poem came to my mind. 

 “ I once saw a dog that felt like a queen and acted like a queen and people treated it like a queen.  I once saw a queen who felt like a dog, acted like a dog and people treated her like a dog.”   

What is the lesson?  Most of our life is a mirror of who we are being, how we feel, and how we act.  Our feelings and our actions are reflected back to us by others and by our life itself.  We are the creators of our own experience.  We are the actors and directors in our own movie. We choose the part. We choose the experience.  Anything to the contrary is a choice that a person makes to live life as a victim. Many do choose victimhood. And what is victimhood?  Victimhood is blaming others, holding on to the mistakes of the past and not learning the lessons of life. 

The beauty is however in knowing that we choose.  We direct our attention at whatever we desire and whatever we place our attention on grows.  Program yourself with personally affirming experiences, and with emotions that are edifying, gratifying and rewarding and see how your life mirrors that back to you.  Infuse gratitude, happy moments, and strength and responsibility into your life and see how things change.                              

You are the shaper of all your experiences. Nothing is fixed.  Everything can be changed. If the dog can live like a queen then certainly a queen can be herself. This is the not so secret in life that many now realize, even dogs (smile).

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I just finished having a conversation with a couple that I admire greatly for their many years of marriage.  We were talking about the importance of always seeing the big picture.  Whenever you are involved in an endeavor; business, marriage, work, school, a project, personal goals etc., you always have to see the big picture.  What is the big picture?  It is the purpose for which you are doing what you are doing.  It is the reason why you are doing what you are doing!  Here is some wisdom.  No endeavor that is worth anything will come without challenges and difficulties.  Resistance, difficulty, and opposition are built into the natural world. It is for the most part unavoidable.  It is unfortunate we are not taught that fact.   Still we have to accept it.  It is.. the way it is.  

We get started on a project, business, relationship or some endeavor and part way thru we find ourselves mired down in problems, conflicts, and the like and feeling not up to the task at hand.  We begin to wonder why did I even get involved with this in the first place? 

Great question!  In the face of seemingly endless challenges your best chance at succees in your endeavor begins by remembering why you set out to do what you are doing in the first place.  You have to bring the purpose back into your mind, back into focus, and put it out front.  If your why is BIG ENOUGH it will CRUSH all the seemingly big challenges before you.  If it is not big enough, then you should reconsider the endeavor because it is likely to fail when the pressure hits anyhow. Oh, and in case you haven’t gotten it yet - the pressure will hit.

The BIG WHY is the key to overcoming difficulty in all our endeavors.  Therefore, it pays to always be clear about why you are doing everything that you are doing so that you can succeed.  Never match a little why up against a big challenge becuase it will probably lose.  Your reason for doing something has to move you on an emotional level and get you feeling strong enough to handle what ever comes your way.  This is the big why.  This is your fuel to find a way, to persevere, to change, to succeed. 

And when you hold that BIG WHY close and go thru the challenges, then in the end, when you achieve what it is you set out to do, it will feel… and actually be.... worth it. 

And the couple I was talking to was my mom & dad. Thank you mom and dad for your example and wisdom.

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